Patterns in Life or Lifestyle


Patterns are those behaviors, events, or thoughts that continue to repeat themselves in your life. You keep doing the same thing, reacting to an occurrence the same way, thinking the same thoughts about an event or what you hear.

Patterns are created through repetitive behaviors, bringing the same results. For instance someone cuts you off in traffic, you react by getting angry. This continues until something else occurs that brings you pause, a new thought is born. Why? Why get angry and yell at the other driver. He or she cannot hear you, nor is he or she paying attention to you.

When a question arises that brings you to a holding spot, you get to ascertain this pattern in your life. The concept of change has been given an opportunity to be heard.

Every time you take the moment to question your reactions, behaviors, thoughts, to the events in your life, the opportunity to create a new pattern arises.

Some behaviors such as reacting in anger, disgust, or fear have been a part of your life for years. You may need to look at the beginning, the seed that was planted and when.

Finding the root of the belief is not a difficult task, nor does it have to be frightening or time consuming. You can find when a seed was planted simply by taking a few moments of silent reflection.

Here are a few steps to give it a try alone.

1. Sit comfortably. Any way you wish to sit is up to you. Make yourself comfortable.

2. Closing your eyes is not a necessary step, but I have found it helps to shut out distractions. If I cannot see my room I won’t find a distraction to draw me from my moment of reflection.

3. Breath is very important, even when you are moving through your day. Deep belly breaths are the best. Here is how: breathe in deeply through your nose, letting your belly rise as it fills with air. Do this slowly and comfortably, do not force it. Next breath out through your mouth, gradually bringing in your stomach to help move the air out of the bottom of your lungs. Repeat for three initial breaths. Then continue to breathe in a relaxed pattern, in through the nose, out through the mouth.

4. Listen to your mind, your environment, your body. What do you notice? Do you hear a specific sound? Notice tension in your body? Just observe, do nothing else, but notice. What thoughts occur to you? Let them move on. Do not retain them by listening to closely. 🙂

5. Breathe, relax. Sitting comfortably.

6. Question time. Ask your question something like this: When was the first time I (thought, reacted, felt, or behaved) in this manner? For instance: When did I first react in anger? Where did that reaction come from? Did I learn it from someone else?

7. Continue the questions as you get the answer. Pause between questions, notice the answer. The questions you ask will be relevant to your situation.

8. Repeat #3… Then stretch, stand and stretch. Pull out your notebook and make notes on what you learned in this session.

This is a regression type exercise. You can use it on anything that you desire. There is no requirements to find a distant memory and recall it. Especially if you have been abused in anyway at any time.

DO NOT use this to find out traumatic events in your life. Suspecting it happened is enough and you DO need to find a qualified therapist to work through that sort of trauma.

I use this exercise every day. There is not an emotion or thought that I do not use this on. It helps me to reshape my belief system.

Here is the second half.

1. Use #3 above for the breath exercise.

2. The next series of questions will pertain to the changes you wish to make in your life. You identified the behavior, thought, or reactions that you found the seed for. The questions may sound something like this: What type of reaction would benefit me, my health, my life in general or specifically? What thoughts would I rather have about (fill in the blank)? How do I want to behave in this situation?

3. Continue the breath exercise, relaxing and listening. Notice what happens to your body, tension or release of tension? Notice the thoughts.

4. Continue the series of questions until you feel comfortable with the answers.

5. Practice those answers. In the example above, reacting in anger to a driver cutting you off on the road, rehearse in your mind driving down the road, a driver cuts in front of you, be calm, breath in, let it be. You could send blessings that the driver won’t hurt anyone, cause an accident and become more aware of his or her surroundings. Then offer gratitude.

6. Notice how you feel, physically, emotionally, and mentally. Is there a benefit, a difference?
Repeat the breath exercise (#3) and # 8 above.

7. Pull out the notebook and jot down what your observations were.

Why would you want to make these changes in your life? I could tell you it is for your health, offer a long lecture and statistical data that shows stress kills, maimes, and causes disabilities. But I am sure you have read all those studies and they mean nothing to you.

Why make these changes? You are here reading this article, why? That is your reason for changing these patterns in your life. Even if it is just curious or courteous (because I asked you to read it and give me feedback), those are still good reasons to make the changes in your life.

My job in life is to cause a new thought in your mind. To raise your awareness, bring you more information and create the opportunity for “AHA” moments. I thrive on your “AHA’s.”

I invite you to share them with me today, leave a comment. I thank you in advance.


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About Connie

I am a Spiritual Life Coach with 25 years experience working with the 12-steps of Alcoholics & Narcotics Anonymous. 10 years experience as a substance abuse counselor and 23 years working with women seeking recovery from abuse and addictions. Learning to live the spiritual principles and beyond is a day to day process, I am grateful to my sponsors, guides, and coaches.