The Changes are a Comin’!!!

Here is something more for your consideration. Working with self and others brings an awareness of the language, behaviors, attitudes, ideas, and general way of life. No two people live the exact same way, believe or understand the same about meanings, actions, facial expressions, pictures, movies, etc. In this post I am going to muse on a couple of terms that get thrown around.

Recovery is a broad, yet precise term. Alcoholics and addicts understand the concept of recovery. In my few years around I discovered very few who chose to pursue it. Sobriety is enough, not living a destructive life is enough. Functioning without calamity is enough. As long as the secrets in the closet remain, the monsters under the bed do not emerge.

The term “recovery” is used frequently in 12-step programs. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.) promises recovery. The 9th promise of A.A. states “if we are painstaking about this phase of our development,…” (p83, last paragraph). Within those promises is our right to prosper, heal, and move beyond the “seemingly hopeless state” so many of us find ourselves in.

The dictionary definition for recoveryreads as “the return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength. It is also the slow process of healing, regaining possession of something lost or stolen.”

To recover from addictions, including alcoholism is a matter developing self-honesty, an open mind, a desire, and a willingness to follow direction. This is explained in the first few pages of the “Big Book.” Actually it explains H.O.W., the acronym for Honesty, Open mindedness, and Willingness. I have believed for years it should have explained that honesty is about self-honesty first. If you are not honest with self there is no way you will ever be honest with others. A friend told me once I could lie to him all I wished, it did not matter. What mattered are the lies I tell myself, these can eventually kill me. As in secrets kill.

I believe whole heartedly that we can recover. There is no condition, state of mind, or illness that we cannot recover from. I know you say, “But you do not know me, know what I suffer with and from. I am hopeless and so is my condition.” Not true, unless you choose to believe it. Now I could change my mind one day, but for now I have seen too much to believe otherwise. Here is where I will get a bit more personal and perhaps you will understand why I believe this.

In short let me say I am…. Recovery began for me 23 years ago, in spite of the events during the first year. I have always held a belief that there has to be another way of living life. At the age of five or six years old I knew my purpose in life, to become a counselor. Today that translates to healer, minister, mentor, guide, coach, and yes, counselor. I am recovering from a seemingly hopeless state of dis-ease. Alcohol, methamphetamines, these were my best friends until they turned on me. The nightmares joined them, I could not discern reality from fantasy, in fact my fantasy became my reality. The taunting and laughter of my dreams were my punishment for abusing myself. I lived the “suicide on the installment plan.” My recovery includes childhood maltreatment, specifically sexual abuse from two men I was suppose to trust and love, honor and obey. I followed this pattern into teens when I married a man that was a drunk and an abuser, the father of my two oldest children. I gave up my children because I could not take care of them financially, turned to the streets and learned to hustle. Each man was the same, again and again, eventually I learned how to stay drunk with the help of meth. It took me 20 years of beatings, rapes, nightmares, screaming fits, terrifying my youngest son, a blessing I could not care for any better than I did. My children do not forgive me, but then they do not have to, they now have their own baggage to unpack. But that is yet another chapter in my book, so to speak.

I tell you this, in hopes that you know I do understand your plight. My early recovery years were spent in terror. Sleepless nights, tremors, crying jags, out bursts, unable to focus, always on the defensive, self-punishing and ensuring others punished me as well. Surrounding myself with those who reflected my belief system, my childhood dynamics, my self-loathing. I have earned my seat in any 12-step room I go into, no matter the topic it would seem. I have not only covered the steps with a sponsor, trusted friends, but I live the principles in my life daily.

We can recover. There is no seemingly. hopeless state in which we cannot recover. But understand this: It is not an easy, carefree path. It is healing pain we must face, let those memories, emotions, ideas, thoughts, tantrums, crying and screaming occur. No harm to none. But let it go, stop running from it and face the damn enemy. If you do not you will only become more ill, a slow death, a suicide by installment plan that will take your life. But in the mean time your body will ache, you will feel fatigued, slowed, disinterested, your health will fail as will your body because you are telling it to. Our bodies are wonderful and awesome, they do respond to our commands.

I believe in you. I know you. There is nothing I do not understand, fear, or will not face. You can rely on me to never fail, never fall without getting up and making repairs. I am not super woman, but I am a woman. In all my glory, fears and tears, anger and dislikes, I am Woman. I can make eye contact with me in the mirror, some days I see the tears, other days I see the laughter in them. But no matter what I am recovered.

I hope this does not send you running from me. I pray you join me in the journey. Share your strengths, tears and fears. Do not be afraid to be your “Authentic Self.” On the left side of this page at the top there is a pink box, join me as a Pink Posse member. We can win the war, not just the battle.

I believe in a holistic approach to recovery. Feeding your body is not enough, nourish, love, and lavish it with the best. Love the rolls, the dimples, fat, bones, aches, pains, stiffness, what ever it is, love it. Healing happens when we love our selves as we are, not as we wish we are. This is your life. Bloom like the flowers in spring and sing like the birds.

Catch me up. The buttons on the top left also take you to my social network pages. Hope to see you soon. Bless you.

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