The first three steps when applied to your life builds a solid foundation on which to continue your spiritual healing. To recap, once again, “I am powerless, my life has been unmanageable, and I cannot restore order without guidance from the Divine.” Of course, this is my wording, you will want to find your own. Never let another tell you how to think, but never argue their belief. It is a waste of your precious energy and time better spent living in peace and love.
Now lets move to the next step in the stairway to heaven. Step four offers suggestions and directions to “cleaning house.” The ‘moral inventory’ of the 12-step fellowships includes learning how to understand your part in all that has happened in your life. The inventory begins with a person, place, or thing that causes you grief, anger, or other intense negative emotions. The next step is to note the problem, what harm was done, and how you were affected.
By writing this step out in the suggested three columns of A. A.’s Big Book, you have a form in which to work from. The second half of the fourth step consists of your sexual life. Remember, there is nothing in this step that should include your childhood abuse. You are not responsible for what an adult has done to you as a child, teen, or early adult. Childhood abuses belong in a therapy session, but sometimes discussing the rage, unfairness and pain is a help, you learn where the true responsibility lies.
At this juncture of the steps you are not analyzing or putting into consideration who is responsible for what and blame is not being placed. Best practice is to sit quietly, close your eyes and practice the breathing exercises as described in the third step. Breathe in through your nose, allowing your stomach to rise, breathe out as if blowing up a balloon, repeat three times. Now sit quietly and listen to your breath, notice your body. Now ask the divine to guide you in writing and helping you to be honest with self. Allowing the emotions to flow. Your time limit is 15 minutes of writing. Stop, repeat the breath and ask the divine for guidance in leaving this where it is, with the writing. When you are ready to take it up again, repeat this process.
REMEMBER: There is no time limit on completing this step. A little at a time is easier than doing it all at once. You will overwhelm yourself and never finish. Running back into your old way of life and continuing the vicious cycle of self-punishment. To do anything other than these increments is to set your self up for failure. We are working at creating a successful path. Know you are loved and blessed.
The next step is to find someone whom you can trust to share and discuss this step with. You need to be able to trust this person with your most intimate details of your life, but more importantly you must trust this person with your emotions, thoughts, and ideas. The person you choose should be able to help you in understand what is your part and what is not. A healthy discussion is important and I will cover more about this in the fifth step.
For today, remember there is nothing in this world that cannot be healed. Love for self is the ingredient required in this path and if you cannot feel it right now, know it exists and the Divine loves. As do I. I will love you until you can love yourself, and then some.
If you would like to discuss this post or your process in completing, do not hesitate to contact me. I am available.