Awakening to Self

Reflections on Human Connection, Choice, and Collective Healing

The current climate in this country and around the world is intense. Considering self and how to move through the day is a challenge if too much attention is focused on the events.

I have spent the last 36-plus years of my life perfecting my path to healing. I have utilized many modalities, tools, and articles. The path to where I am now: ready to tell you my story without becoming consumed by it. That is a book in itself. For now let me share my experience in relation to the following information.

Examining the Choices We Make

Have you ever considered the choices you make daily? For instance in your relationships? Why do you do what you do? Why you make the choices you make? Did you make those choices from an intentional place of thought? Collecting information and making a critical thinking choice or was it from a place of feeling and emotion?

Let’s look at intimate relationships, those where we enter into a emotional contract with another person. We share our personal selves at a level we would not with a stranger or maybe even a co-worker or an employer. Those are based upon the emotions they stir, we feel safe, secure, loved, wanted, and validated. All the needs everyone wishes to meet. They are met in some ways through the other person.

We choose the place we wish to be employed, the person we wish to be engaged with, friends who can fulfill a need, every choice is driven by a need.

Now, look at your political choices. Have you noticed any similarities?

All of our choices are based on needs, whether they are unmet needs or imaginary ones. There is no such thing as a pure, isolated choice. We always make choices based upon a perceived need. All needs are perceived, we convince our selves that someone else will be responsible for fulfilling that need and when they disappoint, we are heart broken, disillusioned and angry.

If you want to delve further, let me know; I have a library to share that will clarify more deeply what I am sharing now. Everything you delve into is theory, nothing is proven or conclusive. When it comes to human nature, it is impossible to provide proof or conclusive evidence. Not two people who share the same exact experience will share the same exact concept, emotion or explanation of that event.

The Dynamics of Connection and Illusion

Your political choices were sold through the first rule of marketing: focus intensely on pain points, exaggerate those pain points, then present the hero, the only solution you could ever choose, because everything else is wrong. It is the age old concept of “No one will love you as I will love you. No one can provide for you the way I can provide for you. There is no other choice but me.” You feel that lift, the emotional rush of a fresh romance. The connection is there, you just know it.

“They get me. They are just like me.”

That is the magic. As long as that emotion is present, you will look past the warning signs because you want that connection. You feel a pain point, but instead of recognizing that something isn’t right, you hold on to the feeling. Then you receive an apology or a small token. The romance is renewed, and you accept the premise: “At least they love me.” You settle for that small offering or promise.

You will go to any lengths to return to the first nuance, that first charge of emotion. The same way addicts keep seeking that first high. To do otherwise brings the sense of shame, how could I have been fooled? No one wants to own that. It took me years to get to that place. Recovery has been the only life saving path I could have chosen. I could not choose to live in death and grief.

There is a path out of this cycle, a way to move beyond and learn how to meet your own needs. Then when you choose it is a desire to connect, not a need to connect. No one should be responsible for making you feel good, be happy, or healthy. That is our own internal path. One that takes us to freedom. A point in life that is beyond description.

Recognizing the Pattern

This is where I am taking this conversation. Our political choices have followed the exact same trajectory as domestic violence relationships. The correlation is identical. The pain becomes corrosive. Those who are not acting from self-awareness fall into victimhood, operating from that same underlying frame: “They love me, they get me.”

Do you see the correlation? Not yet? It will take time to awaken to self and recognize the pattern of pain, grief, and self-punishment. But it is possible.

I can tell you that in my own journey, the first 12 to 18 months were a constant loop. I was willing to believe. I wanted to believe, that things would change, how could I be so wrong, how could I not have known? I kept choosing to ignore the history. I had to listen to shame, guilt, to those aspects of me that were crying to be heard, to be loved, to be wanted and valued. To the wounded child, the self that I was afraid to get to know.

Meeting the True Self

The truth will never change until we wake up to the Self and meet who we truly are. The story we have been told isn’t what matters. We can rewrite that story anytime we choose, one sentence at a time, one chapter at a time. We are powerful beyond comprehension.

I offer individual sessions, but I also set up a community where I share those personal, insightful conversations with self. If you wish to explore, please do not hesitate. Visit my Services Page, I offer a few options. If you do not see what you are seeking, do not hesitate to reach out and let’s chat.

This is a shortened version of what researchers have already published regarding the cult attraction and other social phenomenon. However, there is plenty of evidence in domestic violence, both with unmarried as well as married, the same with variations of violence in the work place. Verbal assaults are a form of violence. When the honeymoon ends the manipulations, gaslighting, and other forms of coercion begins.

I ask you to take the time to consider this. Do not discount this path of thought; these observations are open to reflection. Over the past two months, the pattern has become glaring. I watch those who are waking up to the truth and discovering that the promises were not reality. The verbal dissonance is louder than ever.

I keep our world in prayer for healing, we will need it as a community. Consider where your beliefs originate, and ask yourself: from what source did you derive your truth?

Journal Prompts for Your Conversation with Self

The work I put in spans 36 plus years and continuing. The nuances that slip through in our daily life, unconscious choices, phrases, and attitudes we have held for years remain ever present in day-to-day life. Our engagement with others is the mirror of self, easier to ignore and retain the emotion than to utilize the instant review of the situation. I discovered self-punishment was well entrained in my daily journey. There was no adult to punish me for my attitude or behavior, so I did it. Subtle actions, words, attitudes, choosing to sit in an emotion rather than become acquainted with its origins. Though at the tine I had no conception of what that would look like.

Establishing the conversation with self is a task many would rather not take on. You do get accustomed to life as it is, making changes even the quick shifts can be exhausting and seem time-consuming. I started viewing it more as a challenge, plus I let fear propel me, directing it to create within a greater fear of where I traveled from rather than where I am traveling to.

Following are my suggestions to guide you in creating a few practical steps to shift away from the “they love me” / “they get me” illusion. These steps are suggestions only, shift, reword, use them as is, there is no hard or fast rules to this path. The only requirement is to show up and practice being honest with self. Be willing to get to know the various aspects of you. There will be times you feel as if you are living with split personalities. Pretty similar. During the beginning years of integration of self, it very much seemed like I had various personalities to heal.

Do not let this list hinder you on your path to self-discovery. The goal is: One step enough for me. One Step, One Breath at a time. Because all you have is one breath at a time.

Phase 1: Recognizing the Pattern (Mind & Awareness)

1. Identify the “Hero” Narrative

• The Concept: Recognize when a leader, system, or partner is using the classic marketing setup: inflating a pain point and positioning themselves as the sole savior.
• Practice: When you feel an intense emotional pull toward a political figure or partner, ask yourself: Are they actually offering a real solution, or are they simply acknowledging my pain so I will trust them?

2. Separate Comfort from Capability

• The Concept: Acknowledge that feeling understood is not the same as being safe or valued.
• Practice: Remind yourself of the reality: A person or system that is not self-aware or capable of genuine healing cannot offer true care or stability.

Phase 2: Interrupting the Cycle (Somatic & Emotional Regulation)

3. Pause During the “Reconciliation” Phase

• The Concept: The cycle relies on small offerings, promises, or apologies to renew the feeling of “romance” and reset your boundaries.
• Practice: When presented with a gesture or promise after harm or disappointment, delay your response. Notice if you are accepting a breadcrumb just to relieve the anxiety of conflict.

4. Track the Somatic “Rush”

• The Concept: The high of “they get me” often mirrors a physiological stress-and-relief cycle rather than true peace.
• Practice: Check in with your body. True safety feels calm and grounded; trauma-bonded connection often feels like frantic relief, excitement, or high intensity.

Phase 3: Returning to the Self (Integration & Choice)

5. Meet the Self First

• The Concept: The urge to look outward for a “hero” stems from unmet needs that haven’t been met internally.
• Practice: Name the underlying need driving your choice (e.g., safety, belonging, validation). Ask: How can I begin meeting this need for myself rather than outsourcing it?

6. Audit Your Belief Sources

• The Concept: Reclaiming your narrative requires examining where your foundational beliefs originate.
• Practice: Journal on the core question: From what source did I derive this truth—and is it serving my growth or keeping me dependent?

I offer you a downloadable copy for your own perusal and notes. If you have questions, or wish to discuss, you can contact me directly. If you wish to get started with individual coaching, be sure to review the services I offer here.

Resources and Further Reading

I have pulled together with assistance from Gemini the following studies. They are in some cases quick read, not technical in nature. I have linked a couple of them that stood out to me. I suggest copy and past those titles you are interested in and use your favorite search engine. I am as always open to conversation, just a few polite rules are needed.

1. Political Trauma Bonding and Sociopolitical Manipulation

Researchers in political psychology and trauma theory study how the cycle of domestic abuse (intermittent reinforcement, tension-building, crisis, and reconciliation) manifests at the societal level:

• The “Trauma-Bonded Citizen” Model: Building on Donald Dutton and Susan Painter’s foundational research on Trauma Bonding (1981), political psychologists study how authoritarian or populist political leaders utilize abusive relational tactics. Leaders exploit systemic anxieties, position themselves as sole protectors (“heroes”), apply emotional/psychological pressure, and offer intermittent validation to foster deep partisan loyalty—mirroring the dynamics seen in domestic abuse relationships. Psychology Today Article

• Collective Stockholm Syndrome: Studies examine how citizens in high-stress, high-polarization political climates minimize harm, rationalize autocratic overreach, and internalize fear, drawing direct cognitive parallels to victims navigating abusive intimate relationships (Cinar & Kose, 2025; Vaknin, 2025).

2. “Pain-Point” Marketing and Emotional Grooming in Politics

Research intersecting marketing psychology, political science, and abusive relationship dynamics highlights how political framing targets basic human psychological needs:

• Exploitation of Unmet Needs: Psychological frameworks on persuasion show that political campaigns and abusive dynamics both rely on identifying acute emotional vulnerabilities or “pain points” (fear of isolation, economic distress, loss of status) and presenting a single entity or leader as the cure.

• Idealization and Devaluation Cycles: Studies in political rhetoric analyze how political platforms use idealization (“They get me, they are just like me”) followed by external threat creation, forcing voters into self-protective compliance similar to emotional dynamics in toxic romantic partnerships. Article at Charlie Health

3. Interpersonal Relationships and Political Alignment (“Political Breakups”)

Emerging research directly investigates how personal intimate choices and political affiliations impact one another:

• Political Polarization in Romantic Relationships: A 2025 national study conducted by researchers at UC Irvine (Güngör & Ditto, published in PNAS Nexus, 2026) introduced the term “political breakups.” The study revealed that over a third of Americans have ended personal, romantic, or familial relationships due to political polarization, showing how political ideology actively dictates intimate relationship survival and boundaries.

• Domestic Violence and Political Instability: Studies in public health and criminology explore the macro-level correlations between societal political conflict, economic stress, and spikes in intimate partner violence (IPV), illustrating how political environments directly impact household safety and relationship health.

4. Shared Psychological Drivers: Attachment and Power Dynamics

• Attachment Theory in Political Choice: Research in political psychology indicates that an individual’s attachment style (anxious, avoidant, or secure)—often formed through early family or romantic trauma—predicts their political choices. Anxiously attached individuals, for instance, are more susceptible to political rhetoric that offers strong, protective authority figures, mirroring choices in romantic partners.

• Power and Control Frameworks: The Power and Control Wheel (pioneered by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project) is frequently adapted in sociopolitical literature to demonstrate how gaslighting, isolation, financial coercion, and intimidation function identically in intimate relationships and oppressive political systems.